Elephantware. That’s what download.com calls them: programs that, like tanks, pull you down with the undertow and slow your PC to a crawl, causing it to freeze up while you’re in mid-sentence.
You don’t want them, you don’t need them, and you can get rid of them and replace them with friendlier less bulky counterparts. So what are they?
Here’s a list of the top five most annoying elephantware programs:
The Windows Vista security feature
The nagging, clucky window that springs up like a babysitter and asks if you really want to do that thing you’re trying to do every time you move left or right on your computer.
You can get rid of it. Open the Control Panel, and type ‘user account’ into the search box. Click on “Turn User Account Control (UAC) on or off”. Uncheck the box, and that’s it!
Real Player
Real Player is the bear sniffing through your campsite searching for crumbs and leaving a major mess in its wake. This bear installs all kinds of crazy shortcuts on your desktop and assumes you want to use it as your primary player so it constantly pops up and asks if you want to make it your default. And to make things worse, Real bombards you with tons of news and updates as well as upgrades and offers…constantly. It’s like that kid on your grade school playground jumping up and down screaming “Pick me, pick me!” It’s a Real pain.
Adobe Acrobat Reader
You know the big guy at the buffet hogging all the desserts? Yup, that’s Acrobat Reader. It’s a file reader, and yet, it’s a heavy sucker taking up all kinds of space. And worse, once it’s executed it locks everything up and you end up waiting, waiting, waiting for it to load.
Norton Antivirus
Oh Norton…you’re slow, you make changes without my permission…I think it’s time we break-up. But like it says in the song Hotel California, “you can checkout anytime you want but you can never leave.” Try as you might, to fully shake Norton from your system is futile. I ended up with a ton of error messages and finally had to download and install additional software just to get rid of the software I already got rid of. Go figure.
MSN Messenger
Hey, If I’ve got to get a passport, at least take me somewhere hot and exotic, right? Nope. MSN Messenger requires all users to sign up for their passport, and then continues to annoy you with distracting advertisements as you try to chat with your contacts. And what’s with the ability to change nicknames? I need to know that I’m talking to John, not ‘Wanna eat, sleep, and read all day.” As far as I’m concerned, Messenger can Nudge and Wink itself right off my PC.
And there you have it…five really annoying programs on your PC. Let us know if you have more, you know you do!
May 8th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
thats reallllllly cool man………
u r absolutely right about vista’s uac
and i hate real player and norton(prefer AVG):D………
but i dont agree wid u for msn and acrobat!!!!! :p
May 9th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
Actually, I don’t find Adobe reader that annoying. And what other alternatives you have to read all that mass of pdf files out there?
And risking being ostracized, I have to say that MSN messenger works way better than skype for me. YMMV, of course
Regards, Misha
May 9th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Oh snap! We have a serious infraction here…
“”thats really cool man………
You are absolutely right about vista’s uac
I hate real player and norton (prefer AVG)
However I do not agree with you about MSN and acrobat!”"
If your going to post, SPELL CHECK!!
May 9th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
In response to Mapquest…
It’s been long since I don’t use any of the soft mentioned here. There are A LOT of alternatives to the software mentioned. About the pdf reader, I’ve been using the so simple/small SumatraPDF and you can also check out FoxitPDF.
About that thing called MSN Live Messenger (or whatever name it has now) you’ve got MANY, MANY, MANY alternatives. I always prefer the smallest one, that’s why I am currently using Miranda (only taking 1,5MB of my RAM now). You can also try Pidgin. Both apps support many protocols… not only MSN.
May 9th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
If you’re going to be a Grammar Nazi, at least spell “grammar” correctly and learn the difference between “your” and “you’re”.
May 9th, 2008 at 8:08 pm
Hello, friendly neighborhood Grammar Nazi here. “Grammer Nazi Attack!,” you should follow your own advice. First, you spelled “grammar” wrong. Second, you spelled “you’re” wrong.
Back to the post: I agree with everything but Acrobat on this list. Vista’s security was something i had high hopes for, but when it just kept asking and asking if i wanted to do something IT initiated.
May 9th, 2008 at 8:32 pm
“If your going to post, SPELL CHECK!!”
It’s you’re, if you’re going to post, SPELL CHECK!!
May 10th, 2008 at 2:19 am
I disagree about MSN.
* The ads aren’t at all annoying - they are small text lines at the bottom of your chat window that you notice once a month.
* There is a simple feature that lets YOU nickname your contacts (and that one doesn’t change).
* The Nudge feature is a very useful thing when used properly.
* Most of all, MSN is a great way to keep in contact with people you meet over the web.
May 10th, 2008 at 6:07 am
Oh snap! It’s Grammar, not Grammer!
If you’re going to post, SPELL CHECK!
May 10th, 2008 at 7:37 am
I’d add iTunes to the list - so slow and creaky!
May 11th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
I agree with Real Player and Norton, but the Vista Security Feature is a very important security function, and if you have already configured a computer, you will hardly see any of these dialogs.
Acrobat isn’t taking much o my power, and MSN is nearly the most used software on my computer!
May 11th, 2008 at 11:36 pm
If the MSN ads annoy you, try using a-patch… cleans all the unnecessary stuff out and makes messenger worth keeping.
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Get Ubuntu - problem solved.
No Vista Security feature - You’re the Boss
No Real Player - Try Totem or Mplayer
No Acrobat Reader - PDF files work perfect just with OpenOffice
No Norton Antivirus - No viruses on Ubuntu, they are all made for Windows. And if you get one, they can’t actually do anything - you’re safe because of the password system
No MSN Messenger - Pidgen does it all: *AIM*Bonjour*Gadu-Gadu*Google Talk* Groupwise*ICQ*IRC*MSN*MySpaceIM*QQ*SILC*SIMPLE*Sametime*XMPP*Yahoo!
*Zephyr
July 10th, 2008 at 4:06 am
I agree with Get Ubuntu, all of you should GET UBUNTU!! Easy as it will ever be.
November 5th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
yes Norton is so slow like born baby
November 5th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
@qasim, I have always found it slows my system down personally… some people love it, I have to say I haven’t had the best of luck with it.