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Elephantware. That’s what download.com calls them: programs that, like tanks, pull you down with the undertow and slow your PC to a crawl, causing it to freeze up while you’re in mid-sentence.

You don’t want them, you don’t need them, and you can get rid of them and replace them with friendlier less bulky counterparts. So what are they?

Here’s a list of the top five most annoying elephantware programs:

The Windows Vista security feature

The nagging, clucky window that springs up like a babysitter and asks if you really want to do that thing you’re trying to do every time you move left or right on your computer.

You can get rid of it. Open the Control Panel, and type ‘user account’ into the search box. Click on “Turn User Account Control (UAC) on or off”. Uncheck the box, and that’s it!

Real Player

Real Player is the bear sniffing through your campsite searching for crumbs and leaving a major mess in its wake. This bear installs all kinds of crazy shortcuts on your desktop and assumes you want to use it as your primary player so it constantly pops up and asks if you want to make it your default. And to make things worse, Real bombards you with tons of news and updates as well as upgrades and offers…constantly. It’s like that kid on your grade school playground jumping up and down screaming “Pick me, pick me!” It’s a Real pain.

Adobe Acrobat Reader

You know the big guy at the buffet hogging all the desserts? Yup, that’s Acrobat Reader. It’s a file reader, and yet, it’s a heavy sucker taking up all kinds of space. And worse, once it’s executed it locks everything up and you end up waiting, waiting, waiting for it to load.

Norton Antivirus

Oh Norton…you’re slow, you make changes without my permission…I think it’s time we break-up. But like it says in the song Hotel California, “you can checkout anytime you want but you can never leave.” Try as you might, to fully shake Norton from your system is futile. I ended up with a ton of error messages and finally had to download and install additional software just to get rid of the software I already got rid of. Go figure.

MSN Messenger

Hey, If I’ve got to get a passport, at least take me somewhere hot and exotic, right? Nope. MSN Messenger requires all users to sign up for their passport, and then continues to annoy you with distracting advertisements as you try to chat with your contacts. And what’s with the ability to change nicknames? I need to know that I’m talking to John, not ‘Wanna eat, sleep, and read all day.” As far as I’m concerned, Messenger can Nudge and Wink itself right off my PC.

And there you have it…five really annoying programs on your PC. Let us know if you have more, you know you do!